I have been offering chastity to persons with same sex attraction (SSA) since 1996 when a young man confessed his need for guidance in this matter.

The various men and women with whom I work struggle with sexual identity as male or female, acting out genitally, obsessive relationships, great loneliness, inordinate energy and time spent on sexual issues and fantasy of same sex relationships, feelings of victimization by others, blaming society for their problems, and trying to establish in the legal forum "gay and lesbian", as a created class of people for whom change of any sort would be ludicrous. Many men and women come lacking focus and methods to achieve Christian peace and chastity.

"The Church provides a badly needed context for the care of the human person when she refuses to consider the person as a "heterosexual" or a "homosexual" and insists that every person has a fundamental identity: the creature of God, and by grace, his child and heir to eternal life." (Pastoral Care Homosexual Persons, 1986). One of the greatest obstacles to peace and chastity is persons' delay in acceptance of sexual identity and complementarity as male or female, through their acquisition of a reductionist identity as a "gay", a "lesbian", a "homosexual". "Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity [male or female]." (ccc 2333)

The "gay" identity has been promoted over the last 20 years by persons who have lived out homosexual thinking and behaviors. "Gay" identity has been appropriated even by Catholic clergy and laity as one's true identity in some or all of the following ways: an identification of self, a gift created by God, naturally ordered and permanent, to be accepted and lived out if one is to find peace, to be promulgated to educate others with SSA so they can live fully their "gay life", and to change society's laws so that criticism of any form of homosexuality including homogenital acts will cease.

For persons with SSA, the apprenticeship of self mastery "to freely choose the good of chastity and secure means to this end" requires a Catholic anthropology wherein sexual identity is accepted as male ordered toward female and female ordered toward male in difference and complementarity, while acknowledging SSA and urges which may inhibit full exercise of the sexual nature.

Some persons with SSA come to our Church in conflict, wherein they feel same sex attractions, but know in their souls that SSA is not of Christ. Their accompanying behaviors may include acting out as a relief of the stress of the attractions. The goal of those in conflict is to seek peace by self mastery.

Some persons come to the Church who have relieved the tension of conflict by accepting a "gay identity. While this temporarily relieves some tension of the need for an identity, this identity has other struggles: acting out, victimization feelings from the Church whose non acceptance causes their pain, sometimes rejecting our sexual teaching publicly and politically. The goal of those with "gay" identity is sometimes chastity, but in my experience this identity causes more confusion and pain.

The focus of those in conflict to accept their sexual identity as male or female with mentoring in clear teaching, listening, caring, as well as friendships, is critical. I have worked with Fr. John Harvey in Courage to this end, although even Fr. Harvey unwittingly identified people as "homosexual persons" in the past. The freedom for persons with SSA by their accepting our Catholic anthropology has been very positive. Working with those with a "gay" identity has proven more difficult. When identity is ingrained and supported by clergy and laity who may also have a "gay" identity and who promote some of the characteristics of "gay" identity, chastity can be a white knuckled effort by sincere people, it can be abandoned or not mentioned at all. Where confusion, departure, or silence regarding our teaching exist, pastoral care can be compromised leaving persons with SSA deluded and isolated. The "gay" identity needs to be shed in order to establish a Christian identity of male or female in chastity.

My experience in achieving positive results of a peaceful chastity shows the need for persons' acceptance of selves as male or female, different but complementary, acknowledging that SSA exists in them and interferes with some expression of sexuality, and extricating themselves from "gay" identity and the characteristics which accompany it.