Perhaps you are suffering because you don't want to be a violent person. You feel controlled by your emotions and you don't know how to handle them. This article will give you hope and a guide you can use to help yourself.

First of all, it's important to point out that there are many people who provoke others to violence. However, even if someone does provoke you, there is no excuse for physical or psychological aggression. There are more civilized ways for rational people to solve problems.

Identify the cause of your anger

Examine your own feelings and try to understand them. What is really causing you to get angry and loose control of yourself?

Think about it. Why are you reacting violently? Perhaps something in your past is bothering you and your reaction is to that and not to what someone else said or did. You cannot blame the other person for what happened to you. Are you taking it out on others? If you are married and have children, they are also suffering because of your violence. Think about the consequences your actions will have on your own children, when they witness your reactions or suffer because of them.

Violence is contagious

According to psychiatrists and psychologists, during the first years of life human beings develop their ability to feel compassion, love life, or feel other people's pain. Thus, if they are subjected to acts of violence they will not acquire those traits and will resort to violence to solve conflicts. The male child that was abused becomes an abuser when he grows up. The female generally becomes a victim herself. In this manner, violence is perpetuated from generation to generation. Physical and/or pyschological abuse and especially sexual abuse, create many psychological problems when the child reaches maturity such as chronic depression, multiple personalities and strong tendencies to abuse drugs or alcohol. Most adult delinquents were abused when they were growing up.

If you were abused when you were a child or during your adolescence and that's the cause of your anger, you can be healed. Admit to yourself that you need help and become determined to seek it from God and from other people.

Be brave enough to honestly analyze your behavior at home, especially towards your family. Think about the consequences your actions could have for you and for your loved ones if you loose your head.

If you feel you are exhausting your patience, withdraw until you calm down. Is letting yourself explode into fury worth going to jail for? Put some distance between you and the person that is making you angry! Later on you can try to communicate without screaming, using logic and reason. If you still can't, talk to a third person and ask him or her to be your mediator.

Seek help!

Consider the possibility of seeking professional help. There are organizations that can provide it. Think about finding a well balanced friend, a priest or a pastor. Consult a good psychologist. Start to believe that you can change if you really want to.

Find other ways to react when you feel angry or frustrated. Talk to others who have overcome their aggressiveness and ask them about how they were able to change.

Learn new ways of resolving conflicts. They cannot always be avoided, but we can learn to handle them. When we do, we learn from our past mistakes and improve the quality of our lives.

If you're an alcoholic, join Alcoholics Anonymous. There are also other groups to help people addicted to gambling, drugs or sex.