Introduction
A million and a half unborn children die in the U.S. every year, because of the deadliest type of violence: surgical abortion. If we add to this figure the 8-13 million more that die by means of abortifacient contraceptives, the death toll of unborn human beings becomes staggering.
But the violence does not stop there. Contraception and abortion have engendered a never ending spiral of violence. After abortion was legalized by the Supreme Court in l973, child abuse became an epidemic. An estimated two million children are abused each year by a parent.1 This is domestic violence. Most victims of domestic violence are women, children and the elderly. And, as incredible as it may seem, there are also cases of men who are victims of physical and/or psychological violence. In this article I would like to call attention to a specific type of domestic violence: violence against women.
Why should domestic violence against women be considered a pro-life concern? According to statistics, every l5 seconds a woman is assaulted by her spouse or boyfriend; between 25 and 45% of the women being abused are pregnant.2 In fact, domestic violence is the leading cause of birth defects.3 About 30% of the women who are murdered, die at the hands of their spouse or boyfriend.4 Between 35 and 40% of abused women attempt suicide.5 Countless families are affected by this plague in our society which is a psychological and spiritual disease. This is something which happens to many people, regardless of how "religious" they may claim to be. Domestic violence occurs in 33%- 66% of all adult cohabitating relationships regardless of age, race, sex, religious affiliation, marital status, education, income or social standing.6 We can thus reach the inevitable conclusion that domestic violence is an epidemic. Undoubtedly, domestic violence is a threat to the dignity of human life and even to life itself, thus it should be an urgent pro-life concern.
Moreover, if we do not deal with this type of violence and its victims, others will and probably they will not deal with it correctly. For example, the pro-abortion feminist movement has used this issue of domestic violence to obtain sympathy for their objectives and even to speak at religious institutions. If more women join the ranks of angry radical feminists, we are going to see more abortions, more contraceptive use, more disregard for motherhood and fatherhood and more disdain for the traditional family as the sanctuary of life. It is therefore evident that domestic violent should be an important pro-life concern.
What is domestic violence?
But let us define first what constitutes violence. Does it consist only of physical beatings? Until recently the general belief was that physical violence is the only form of domestic violence. However, modern psychology has given us a new awareness of the psychological needs of human beings. Now we know that there is yet another kind of violence that also injures people: psychological or verbal abuse.
To systematically destroy the self esteem of a person through criticism, insults, scorn or abandonment also constitutes abuse. There is no doubt that sometimes blows to the spirit can hurt much more and leave greater and more lasting scars, than blows to the body. The victims of this type of violence generally continue suffering silently and because of this, neither they nor their victimizers receive the help they so badly need.
Violence against children involves not just physical abuse, but also screaming, berating, excessively punishing, neglecting and/or depriving them of the attention, acceptance and love which are so indispensable for their social and emotional well-being. Another form of violence is that of criticizing or condemning the other parent or using the child to harm him or her. This is especially the case when the parents are divorced.
The main reason this type of abuse is more difficult to recognize and eradicate, is that a person who is physically beaten has wounds that the world can see and she or he can receive help. Since the wounds inflicted on the victims of "psychological beatings" are not visible to the eye, many times when they do manage to seek help, they are not believed, they are misunderstood and/or treated unfairly. This kind of abuse or domestic violence primarily occurs in the privacy of the home, so it generally goes undetected by the outside world, often for many years. Yet according to the experts, verbal abuse almost always precedes physical abuse.
There is yet another kind of domestic violence: pressuring or coercing a woman to use dangerous contraceptives and abortifacients; to be sterilized; or to abort her preborn child. Countless women (especially in the developing world), are being pressured or forced to commit these and other acts which are intrinsically and gravely immoral. Recently the coercive sterilization program in Perú which has killed a number of women, was denounced in the U.S. media. Yet there was no outcry from the American radical feminist movement or any of its leaders, where it concerns the Peruvian government's flagrant violation of women's human rights.
Why do so many women continue to endure the abuse?
In spite of the beatings, it is often very difficult to get a woman who is being victimized to act in order to stop the abuse. In the case of psychological abuse, unfortunately many times women themselves willingly and/or silently remain in this situation, because they believe that psychological abuse isn't serious or harmful enough to try to stop it.
Some fear that they will not be believed if they denounce the abuser, as he often presents a false image of himself to the world. Abusers tend to exhibit "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" behaviors, showing extremes in both kindness and cruelty.7 Perhaps abused women are embarrassed to let others know that they have allowed this situation to go on. Most of them fear reprisals from their victimizer or having to live on their own. They all commonly suffer from emotional problems, very low self esteem and an inability to set boundaries.
Domestic violence is a contagious disease
In dysfunctional homes in which one spouse abuses the other, the abuse or mistreatment of children is common. In fact, "child abuse is 15 times more likely to occur in families where domestic violence is present."8 Because spousal abuse has become so rampant in this present violent "culture of death" society, "over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year."9
Regrettably, a woman being victimized by her spouse or boyfriend is so involved in trying to defend herself, that she is often not aware of the psychological damage that her children are suffering. When a woman (or a man) continues to allow this kind of abuse, there are very serious psychological consequences for the children in that union, even if they are not being directly victimized. The effects in them will surface years later. In many cases they will either become victimizers themselves, or they will become victims. Their parents are their role models. "Men who have witness their parents' domestic violence are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than children of non violent parents, with the sons of the most violent parents being 100 times more likely to become wife beaters.10
Violence destroys marriages
Since mutual respect does not exist in an abusive relationship, love often dies in the married couple that continues in this situation for a long period of time. Both spouses have to be willing to admit that they need help and seek it together, or there is little hope for that marriage.
Although victims of domestic violence have for the most part suffered quietly for many years and thus have not received the help they needed, today's society has finally recognized that this is a terrible evil which needs to be denounced and eradicated.
The Catholic Church in the U.S. is doing its part to fight domestic violence and help both victims and victimizers. The Bishop's Committees on Family Life and on Women in Society and the Church issued a document in l992 called When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women. In it the bishops provide some practical suggestions, where it concerns offering help to those who are caught in this spiral of violence. There are a number of movements and organizations within the Church such as the National Council of Catholic Women, that are also offering information and/or help.
Both the adult victim of domestic violence and his or her victimizer are emotionally ill and need this help. Neither one of them can receive it until they acknowledge that the abuse is taking place. They derive no benefit from maintaining this horrible secret, which they should share with those who can assist them, such as a priest or pastor and a psychologist or psychiatrist.
What can a victim of this violence do if her husband does not want to seek help (a very serious obligation that he has), but continues or threatens to inflict serious physical or mental pain on her? If efforts to resolve this situation continue to fail or when the attack seems to be near, the woman has the right (indeed, the duty), to seek refuge in another place -- with family, friends or in special shelters available for this. Her mental and/or physical health and indeed her very life are in danger. (Of course, if children are present, all of his applies to them as well.) The physical departure from the situation might be pursued even during the process in which the abuser willingly receives help, for many times the process of psychological healing has setbacks. It is not the will of God for the victim to remain in this situation of abuse, but to flee from it and seek help, both for herself (her children if they exist) and her victimizer.
Sometimes, when every effort has failed to resolve this situation, the only way to legally secure certain legitimate rights -- such as the protection of the children, of oneself and of other goods, such as some type of economic support from the husband -- is through civil divorce. The Church teaches that divorce is a great evil and that if a valid sacramental marriage has been contracted, there cannot be remarriage under any circumstance, since the marriage bond cannot be dissolved by any authority whatsoever. But the Church does not consider it sinful to separate oneself physically from one's spouse for grave reasons such as this one, provided there is no remarriage if a valid sacramental marriage has been contracted.11 In this case a Catholic woman can (indeed, has the obligation to) continue to participate fully in the sacramental life. Again, this course of action is a last recourse, only to be acted upon when every other means of resolving the situation has failed. The separation can continue as long as the threat of abuse is present or there are reasonable grounds to assume that the abuse will resume.12
All of us have an obligation to help victims of domestic violence. We should be aware and willing to help them escape this vicious cycle of physical and/or psychological abuse, so that they can recover their self-worth and discover their dignity as children of God.
Endnotes: 1. Straight Talk About Violence (brochure), Christopher News Notes, 12 East 48th Street, New York, NY 10017, July, l995. Note: This source makes reference to a UNICEF program to combat violence among kids. Unfortunately, UNICEF has been involved in the distribution of contraceptives, including abortifacient contraceptives. It has also collaborated with other United Nations' organizations that promote abortion. 2. U.S. Department of Justice. Bureau of Justice Statistics. National Crime Victimization Survey. Selected Statistics on Violence Against Women, August 1995. 3. "In Florida, a person is killed by a family member every 36 hours", The Miami Herald, October 9, l994, 1J. 4. U.S. Department of Justice..., August 1995. 5. Ibid. 6. Women Healing the Wounds. NCCW Responds to Domestic Violence Against Women (brochure), National Council of Catholic Women, 1275 K Street, NW, Suite 975, Washington D.C., 20005. 7. Ibid. 8. W. Stacy, and A. Shupe, the Family Secret, (Boston, MA: Beacon, Press, 1983), cited in "The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children," Family Violence Prevention Fund, web site: www.fvpf.org. 9. Carlson, B.E., "Children's Observations of Interparental Violence," in Edwards, A.R. (ed.) Battered Women and Their Children, (New York: Springer, 1984), 147-167, also cited in "The Effects..." 10. M.A. Strauss, R.J. Gelles, and S. Steinmetz, Behind Close Doors (Doubleday, Anchor, 1980), also cited in "The Effects..." 11. Catechism of the Catholic Church, number 2383, (see also The Code of Canon Law, canons. 1151-1155). 12. Ibid.
Magaly Llaguno is the Executive Director of Human Life International's Hispanic Division, Vida Humana Internacional (VHI) in Miami. VHI offers a great deal of information on domestic violence (and on 20 other pro-life/family topics) in its Spanish language web site which can be accessed through Human Life International's "Spanish language" section at www.hli.org, or directly at www. vidahumana.org. It also offers a bimonthly newsletter and many brochures, books and videos.
The information for the above article came mostly from written texts as well as public conferences given by Dr. Jesus Arina, a Miami (Florida) Catholic psychologist who specializes in treating victims of domestic violence.
For more information and/or for help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) *** 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) -- they have counselors who speak Spanish. That hotline is recommended by the National Council of Catholic Women. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also has a web page: http://www.ndvh.org. Unfortunately, among their links they have the National Organization for Women (which promotes abortion) and the American Association for Battered Lesbians (AABL). We support authentic help for victims of violence, not withstading their lifestyle, but we do not approve at all those lifestyles which contradict the Gospel nor their promotion. We also reject the practice of or referral to abortion or the use of potentially abortifacient devices in the treatment of rape victims.